An Afternoon In the Book Of Proverbs

Everyone has their favorite books in the bible – mine use to be James but, over the last couple of years I’ve learned to really appreciate the book of proverbs.

The book of proverbs is filled with so much wisdom but, it’s more than that it’s full of discernment, it’s full of guidance, and it’s also full of truth and promise.

Proverbs 12:19 Truth stands the test of time; Lies are soon exposed.

Proverbs 12:20 Deceit fills hearts that are plotting evil; joy fills hearts that are planning peace

Proverbs 12:22 The Lord hates those who don’t keep their word, but he delights in those who do.

Proverbs 12:23 Wise people don’t make a show of their knowledge, but fools broadcast their folly.

Proverbs 12:24 Work hard and become a leader, be lazy and become a slave.

Provers 13:5 Those who are godly hate lies; the wicked come to shame and disgrace.

Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy.

Proverbs 13:19 It is pleasant to see dreams come true, but fools will not turn from evil to attain them.

Let me stop here for a moment, reflect, and add some imput. We all have dreams, we all have aspirations, we all want our future’s to be filled with light, good, and bettering correct? I’m sure your answer was yes, and for my readers who have children (including the children who are young adults) I’m sure you all want the same things for them that you do for yourself, and you try to instill wisdom and direction into their hearts, and minds but, what happens when we go off make our own choices, and make a huge mistake that may destroy those dreams like my ex did.

I am being honest when I say where it stands right now unless he does exactly what I’ve told him to do and make things right with me there is absolutely no way he will ever get credentialled and become a pastor. He has absolutely destroyed his chances unless he makes it right with me therefore it proves Proverbs 13:19 correct as does it prove Proverbs 12:19 and the rest that I’ve posted above correct.

Proverbs 16:2 People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives.

Proverbs 16:25 There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death (Don’t be deceived – but unfortunately it’s a little to late for him and the longer that this continues he’s dragging her right down with him)

Proverbs 18:17 Any story sounds true until someone sets the record straight!

I think I just found my new favorite verse in the bible this seriously just made me laugh because it is so true!

Proverbs 19:22 Loyalty makes a person attractive. It is better to be poor than dishonest.

Proverbs 22:1 Choose a good reputation over great riches for being held in high esteem is better than having silver or gold.

I could keep going today but, I think I’ve made my point.

Do you have any favorite verses in Proverbs that you’d like to share?

Don’t Become A Scapegoat

Psalm 101:7-8 (NLT) I will not allow deceivers to serve me, and liars will not be allowed to enter my presence. My daily task will be to ferret out criminals and free the city of the Lord from their grip.

Yesterday afternoon I became aware of my ex’s next move. He’s already made it, and immediately both myself, and his own sister had him pegged. I’ve had discernment about what it is that he’s doing all along, even though a part of me has always fought it, a part of me truly wants to believe he wouldn’t and couldn’t be that manipulative and deceptive her and I are both at the point where we are saying that is exactly what is going on here, and it’s at none other than the girl he cheated on me with’s expense.

He’s using her, he’s manipulating her, he’s deceiving her, he’s pulling the same narcissistic measures on her that he pulled on me through his lies no matter how big or small they are to hopefully gain credibility into his perceptive character that is nothing but deception in order to get credentialled with the Georgia Assemblies of God, and when I saw this girl befriending people on facebook that are from MY church I lost it and went ballistic all over again. He’s been warned, He’s been told, He’s been spoken into by countless people and yet he’s still finding a way to sneak his way back in to “good graces” with people that he believes can do something for him at the end of the day but, here’s the thing it doesn’t work that way, and that’s exactly what I said on facebook yesterday regarding the subject. Anyone who endorses his behavior, and gives him a shot right now is lying to themselves but, it’s more than just that, they know him, they know his behavioral patterns, they know what he’s done to me, they know what he’s capable of, they know and they aren’t doing anything to 1) protect the unity and sanctity inside of that building and 2) they aren’t doing anything to protect her from what they should blatantly be able to see.

She’s befriending anyone who is anyone at MY (what was once his and our) old church. We may have not been married but the running joke is that I got the church at the end of our relationship and engagement because he knows that he is not welcome there after what he did. You can not create the all out war that he did right on holy ground, lie to countless people, deceive countless people, manipulate countless people, and use the old test. as justification for it nor can you manipulate your way out of the memory of it. This war even though I am still fighting it and will continue to fight it even if it kills me is not over, he’s still attempting, he’s still trying to find a way around coming out with the truth even though everyone knows what the truth is. You can’t hide it for forever especially not when you have the other half of the equation in a really messed up mental state afraid to talk to anyone, afraid to run in to anyone, afraid to be who she once was, afraid to serve in ministry, afraid to get back up on the platform that meant everything and more, and afraid to get close to anyone because of what will happen if she does in retaliation for doing it.

He might not be around to physically make me pay for breaking his rules but, he knows what hurts me, he knows how to hurt me without even touching me and that’s what he’s determined to do because I’m 1600 miles away, and now no one can see what it is that he creates when he pulls the garbage that he does. The thing is though is that he can’t hurt me, the girls know better than to believe him, or believe in him, the pastoral staff knows better as well it’s just that in my opinion and I’ve told the lead pastor and countless others this over the last several months is that for as clear as I may be in all of their minds it’s not them that I am worried about at the end of the day it’s the fact that he is chasing after the chance at becoming a pastor while he’s manipulating, deceiving, lying, and creating more scandal, and using her as a scapegoat to make life better for himself in order to get what it is that he wants, and it does not work that way, you can not create the war that he has and expect people to just forgive and forget it especially not when it’s still continuing.

If he’d let her go, if he’d come clean with his lies, if he’d rectify the damage that he has caused in and out of those doors, if he’d act like even the man of God that he swears that he wants to be then again, he would be convicted to come to me, to talk to me, to find a way to get a hold of me and make things right, and he’d do the same thing inside of that building because here is the thing he has created more damage than he’s aware of just by speaking into the lives, and hearts of countless children while walking the way that he walks, and it’s on him to make all of that right if he wants what it is that he wants as badly as he claims that he wants it.

You can’t get the title of pastor or missionary while lying to, manipulating, and deceiving others – it does not work that way, and Psalm 101:7-8 proves it.

He has one option, and that’s to come clean with the lies, manipulation, deception, and scandal, and that means coming clean to her too. What he needs is to be alone for awhile, no fiance’s, no girlfriends, no friends with benefits, no lustful potentials – he needs to be alone and get right with God because this isn’t working out well for him at all, and for as much as I think “he deserves all of this and more” there’s more to it than that, and without saying what that more to it is I will say that he will one day learn what it all includes.

Lying, Cheating, Deceiving, Manipulating, using people including the person you supposedly love in order to get further ahead is not honorable, it’s not something that a man of God would or should do, it’s not something that a pastor or missionary would do yet he is constantly doing all of that and more, and I just can’t sit by and watch. I’m back to where I was in the very beginning when I originally went to the pastoral staff about him, it’s not something I enjoy doing, I don’t want to be fighting this war, I want to be able to let it go but, the more that I catch, the more I find myself screaming on the inside and out because I can’t stay quiet anymore. He can’t rob me of anything else, he can’t take anymore away from me, I’m 1600 miles away from him, so as I continue to heal from the damage he has brought into my life I now realize for sure that this war really is far from over.

Have you ever thought that you were done with a guy, a girl, or someone who was just flat out toxic?
Have you thought you were finished with a battle only to realize that the war was far from over and you’re just waiting for the next move to be made?

She can have him, I don’t want him back but, I refuse to sit by and idly watch as he uses her, and countless others to gain credibility and references that his private, in the silence when no one is watching walk through this life has not earned which is why MY church didn’t credential him to begin with. Your intentions and walk matters, and it’s about time he learned that lesson. You should be able to sit in church next to the person you were once in a relationship with, you should be able to sit at a table in fellowship with the person you were once in a relationship with and not be broken apart by it as the memories flood your mind, or in fear of that other person using the opportunity to get back at you for something you never did wrong. I can’t do that with him because, of what he’s put me through, he’s put me through hell, he destroyed our relationship, he manipulated, lied, and made choices that deceived me so badly that I no longer knew who I could and could not trust, and in the end he forced me out of the state because of his choices that inadvertently destroyed me the longer that it all continued. He doesn’t deserve another girl to do that to, and he doesn’t deserve to be put in a position of responsibility that mandates character, integrity, honor, and maturity that he has never once shown to anyone to date in or out of a relationship unless there was something for him to gain for doing it.

Hawaiian Marinade That Hits The Spot

pinapple sauce

Photo Credit:  http://www.afeastfortheeyes.net/2012/03/quick-and-easy-teriyaki-sauce.html

Have you ever looked for a sweet and spicy marinade without finding what it is that you want? If you’re craving sweet and spicy chicken this is the perfect marinade for your next chicken kabob or grilled chicken recipe to try.

Ingredients:

2 Cups Pineapple Juice

½ Cup Teriyaki Sauce

3 Tbsp Light Brown Sugar

Instructions:

Mix all ingredients together until well blended pour over chicken and marinate in the refrigerator for 24 hours.

I combined the marinated chicken on skewers with pineapple chunks (I used the juice that came from the pineapple chunk cans and also included sliced onions, and green peppers that were marinated in some of the juice from an extra can of pineapple that I served alongside the chicken.

 

A Life Without Encouragement

No one wants to walk into a room after working all day to hear themselves being bad mouthed but, it happens all the time, and it happened to me yesterday.

I’ve recently started a new job. It’s not something I’ve mentioned here because in all honesty my time recently has been very limited and my schedule has had to go through a lot of adjustments but, the position is at what has always been a dream company for me, it’s a position that I couldn’t turn down the opportunity to take, and it’s honestly one that I am really growing to enjoy however, several times over the course of the last couple of weeks I’ve come home, talked about my day, and have had what I am now taking as an insult thrown in my face of “how can you just walk into a company, get a job, and be a manager when you have absolutely no experience at that company?” Yes, it’s yet again another insult, it’s yet again another jab, it’s yet again another confidence killer because some people just can’t stand to see anyone else succeed but, today the conversation that I walked in on was one in which I was being called a liar, because I’m apparently always lying about what my position really is at that company, and she’s now taking everything that I say with a grain assault as a result of my apparent lies.

Really? Who is filling her head with garbage over, and over again? I can take one guess, and so can one of her daughters who knows about the conversation that I walked in on today, who knows what my position title is, and who has my company cell phone number that has a voicemail with my title on it, and I guarantee you we are right. What is it with negative people? What is it with people not wanting to see you succeed and excel? I just do not understand it.

Everyone needs a support system, everyone needs to walk through life knowing that they have people on their side no matter what comes up. For me Amanda and Elizabeth have been those people as have Charlene, and Lindsay. It’s funny, my closest friends for the most part are in Georgia, and yet somehow I got sent back here and feel like a fish out of water in many ways even though I am in the place that has always been home.

I climbed the corporate ladder in Georgia, I established myself, gained a lot of experience, have managed several employees with absolutely no issues in the past but, even before I moved back here I was on the phone with my Aunt who was the one making the comments that she was today, and I found myself realizing that she views me as a child still, and doesn’t realize just how far I went in my career, and what it is that I was doing while I was in Georgia. Instead she pegs me for this girl with no experience, no knowledge, and no management skills, and it’s highly offensive to me. It was like her remarks prior to me even getting into town regarding the real estate field which I’ve spent the last 5 years working in, and had worked in the field prior to that both in New York, and Georgia. This woman doesn’t want to understand that I’ve accomplished a lot over the last 12 years that I’ve been working, I’ve experienced a lot, I’ve grown a lot, and I’m not the child that she remembers. She loves to talk about her grand children and all that they’ve accomplished but, when it comes to me I guess I’m suppose to spend my entire life doing grunt work since I’m apparently the black sheep that “doesn’t have any family.”

Again, who is feeding her these quotes that she keeps repeating over and over again? Who is feeding her questioning statements that are unlike her typical train of thought? Time changes things, I understand that but, this is more than just the damage time does, this is anger, rage, frustration, and lashing out on people (more than just myself but, I won’t get into that) on anyone that doesn’t 1) agree with her or 2) doesn’t walk the way that she thinks that they should walk.

I want more for myself than to serve patrons at a pub, or restaurant, I always have, and I always will. Mr. C. didn’t change that about me, and neither will anyone else but, knowing that I’ve accomplished more is offensive to her apparently because I have a management position coming in to a company while all of her grand kids have had to work their way up inside of a company and it’s taken them years. Yes, I have a vital position, yes, it’s a management position, yes, I’m being considered in the same company already for other positions because they know that I’m over qualified for the position that I have now, and know that I would be better served elsewhere even though I’m getting things in order where I am now in the nows but, instead of being happy for me I’m being put down because to her it came to easy for me but, reality says that it didn’t. I have worked really hard to get where I am at in my career, I have worked 60-70 hours a week and done my time working my way up the corporate ladder, and I’ve earned what it is that I have now. While my cousins have focused on college, boyfriends, girlfriends, and weddings in their younger years directly following high school because they didn’t know what they wanted to do, I focused on my career, which is why I am where I am at in this stage of my career with the position that I have now. That doesn’t mean I am trying to bad mouth them, it’s just what they did. I didn’t bother with college, for many reasons but, instead what I did was I went right out into the job market, and gained experience that became valuable once the recession hit in this country just like I knew it would. I have many years of experience on my cousins but, at the same time I’m also older than the rest of the girls and that’s never taken in to consideration either.

There is nothing wrong with chasing after your dreams, there is nothing wrong with wanting better for yourself but, I think the value we place in a support system is underestimated at the same time, and in all honesty it’s sad because on days like today when I walked into the phone conversation that I did I grabbed my phone, went outside, and called the person that I knew would know what was going on because, she had experienced the very same thing the night before as did my baby cousins (who are no longer babies) over a totally different subject that was centered around her, and her stubborness with good reason, and we all are in agreement that someone is filling her head with repetitive garbage that doesn’t protect her or her best interest, and is only hurting her the longer that it continues.

Have you ever experienced the negativity that I’m repetitively experiencing? Have you ever been underestimated and undervalued by your own family? If you have how have you proven their perceptions wrong? We all need a support system, and in all honesty that’s a big reason why I ended up moving back here but, to move back up here, and be faced with negative perception when certain individuals are still living in the 1950’s and don’t understand how the career ladder now works is very frustrating to say the least. How would you explain it, and how would you handle it? But then my final question becomes do you even think that it would make a difference if you did find an easier way to explain that things work differently than they did back in those days?

The Heart Of The Matter

This weekend was yet another interesting weekend at the lake.  Between a hawaiian themed birthday party, buying decor and food, prepping chicken for skewers with homemade bbq sauce, and homemade hawaiian marinade, making my famous homemade spinach dip, and homemade garlic parmessian baguettes, finding the time to make my famous banana pudding cake, playing hostess, socialize with the other half of my family who are all aging that I haven’t seen in about 11 years, and playing bartender to almost everyone I can honestly say that I am beyond exhausted as I type this out but, somewhere in the midst of my exhaustion the realization hit me that what I found myself doing today is my passion, and it is what I am good at.

Why does everyone ask me to host events, make cakes, cook for them, decorate their weddings, and organize their events for them…it’s because yes, I love to cook, I love to organize, I love to decorate, and I love to serve other people.

Everyone raved about my spinach dip, and the bread, everyone loved the hawaiian chicken skewers that was made with a concoction that I made just from taste, and everyone loved how attentive I was, and on top of things I was. 

It’s why Kim literally begged me to help her with her wedding, it’s why I got asked countless times to plan, and organize bridal showers, baby showers, small group events, and even larger events when I was at my old church, it’s why Angie use to beg me to manage set up for large events at the church for weddings, and other events (among keeping me at eye sight to find out what was really going on I am sure.) And it’s why things went so smoothly today.

The heart of the matter is that if you have a passion for something you need to pursue it.  Yes, I love to cook, and entertain.  I was in my element, and in my happy place for the first time in a very long time today and somewhere in the midst of it all I realized that a part of me had been brought to life again.  We all want love, we all want appreciation but as Christine and Manny (his old boss) said the Sunday before I left I sacrificed myself for him in every possible way to give him a gift that didn’t go unnoticed by anyone who was watching.  I sacrificed the very thing that meant the most to me, the very thing that has defined me since I could open my mouth both musically, and verbally.  Lust doesn’t do that but true love does but, on top of that I sacrificed my friendships, I sacrificed my reputation to lies, and I sacrificed my own integrity to keep his future open to his dreams therefore he only has himself to blame for losing it all in the end and trust me when I say that, that is exactly what he did and if I wasn’t positive about that I wouldn’t say it.

He murdered me, and who it is that I am, and have always been for the purpose of gaining, I was his test, our relationship was his test, and he failed miserably with a score lower than what I got the first 3 times I failed algebra even though he passed the written test before anyone else. 

What he did to me showed them all who he really is, what he is capable of, and what a sadistic bastard he can be behind closed doors when he doesn’t think anyone is watching.  Little did he know they were all watching, and I knew they were which is why I was very careful about how I walked because I wanted to make sure that I didn’t have anything weighing on my concience to make him look honest when that was the furthest thing from the truth.

Lying, cheating, and attempting to manipulate and deceive countless people including your own parents is just flat out wrong.  I am not a fan of the woman who absolutely does owe me an apology for all of the things that she has said about me and as a result of her choice of words done to me but, it is what it is and I’d be amazed if I actually ever got one but, the fact of the matter is that she said what she did, and did what she did bec asu se she was flat out being lied to and it’s just sad to me. 

How her son ever became the way that he did I will never understand.  What ever made him the sadistic, narcissistic bastard that he is God only knows but he is not ready for marriage when it should be blatantly obvious to everyone that he isn’t grounded in himself.  He robbed me of myself, I had no say and no choice but to comply with him and certain other individuals but had I been given a chance to speak and had I been given a chance to prove that I wasn’t what I was being accused of being and it was actually the other way around then maybe things would have turned out differently.

He made it impossible to do anything but breathe in that relationship now that I look back.  I loved him, and a part of me still does.  I don’t want to see him hurting, I don’t want to see anything bad happen to him but, I look at the heart of the matter and realize that 1 by 1 everything that he took away and robbed me of I am gaining back.  He can’t do or say anything because I am enjoying a drink, he can’t do or say anything because I am socializing, or having parties, he can’t do or say anything because I am going to church, and best of all he can’t monitor every move I make through others because he doesn’t have a clue what I am doing.

Life right now is about work, family, and sleep, and honestly, I like it that way.

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